I'm not sure why I'm posting tonight...I feel so blah and I'm not sure what there is to say
I want to write you something
to let you know I'm thinking about you
to let you know I'm desperately trying to maintain my balance
I fear for my independence
because I can't say no to you
and I don't want to lose you
so I try to remember why
I love you
and it's for signs on walls in streamers
and patience with me when I falter
and missing you as I lie here in bed
hurting
bare
tired and feeling bereft
and then I'm gone again, into the sadness of loss
because I can't accept the thought of losing you
because I won't give up control
because to lose you would...
you see how Panic gets started...but there is nothing she can do
she struggles
claws at the earth
and digs herself deeper into her pit of despair
because she doesn't look up to see that she is looking down
I want to stare into your eyes instead
